The Washingtonienne

(You know what? The Washingtonienne is a terrible book. Don't read it. It's so bad I'm not even going to link to it. You can Google it if you want to, but don't say I didn't warn you. Nevertheless, it's a perfectly fine title for a blog post about my female child in D.C., so I'm using it.)

We're a month back from Washington and I already have pictures from Memorial Day weekend in my photostream, so it's time to get back to the action, no?

The day after we went to the zoo -- the same day my sister ran the Nike Women Half Marathon D.C. -- we slept in until the absolutely ungodly hour of 7:30 AM, and then we wandered the National Mall looking for the Au Bon Pain that the "Around Me" app on BOTH our iPhones kept promising was only 0.25 miles away. "We'll see what we can see before we stop for lunch," we said.

We headed around the Tidal Basin and stopped to visit the Jefferson Memorial, my second-favorite monument in D.C. We were too late for the Cherry Blossom Festival, unfortunately -- that ended about two weeks before we were there, because apparently I am incapable of scheduling my life around anything I actually want to do -- but you know, the entire Mall is quite lovely at that time of year, and since it was a Sunday morning, we didn't have to compete for photo opps with field trips.

This is just proof that I do stuff besides stand around for 45 minutes trying to frame up the best possible pictures. Sometimes I spent 45 minutes walking around buildings making someone else frame up the best possible pictures.

"Look, Mom! President Obama lives there!" (Waves furiously, I guess at the snipers on the roof? IDK.)

The way we walked, our next monument was the FDR Memorial, which is my very favorite place in D.C. It's very zen there, all water and copper and pretty dark stone, and I love it. Especially this statue, which features the dog ...

... and this staute of my homegirl Eleanor, which I actually DID wait about 45 minutes to get a picture of, because there were a whole bunch of tourists who kept walking into my shot, right up the statue, to LICK it. Seriously, WHO DOES THAT? This statue is OUTSIDE, and hundreds of people touch it every day. GROSS.

"Mommy, can you see if the brakes are on?"

The last time we were in D.C., the MLK Memorial was not yet erected. It is really quite something else, although I will never understand the choice of materials here. (You can link to whatever sources in the comments if you want, but I still won't understand the logic.)

The Lincoln Memorial is my third-favorite. I don't really know why I like Jefferson better -- I think it's the shape and the location. The Lincoln Memorial just seems so ... somber, maybe? More hallowed? Something. There are "ghosts" in there, is what I think I am saying.

(Incidentally, this was my first trip to D.C. with a good camera. That shot? Is all camera, except for cropping. I love my Precious.)

Another 45-minute setup, because there was open space, and BY GOD, this kid was going to RUN AROUND. I am not one of those people who puts "harnesses" on their children, but I can sometimes kind of see the point.

Under construction. (Renovations? Repairs?) Still damned impressive.

At this point she was trying to figure out how to fish change out of the Reflecting Pool so that we could go get something to eat. And to tie everything back to the Au Bon Pain - it isn't there. Or, at least, it isn't where the app told us it would be. We spent another hour or so looking for all these restaurants that Around Me kept saying were nearby -- 0.15 miles, 0.07 miles, 500 feet, 100 feet -- and it finally took a leap of faith and a DESPERATE need for a public restroom for us to discover that all the eateries were actually in the food court of the federal office building across the street from the aquarium in the Department of Commerce building.

No, I don't know why the aquarium is in the Department of Commerce building. I'm sure it made sense to SOMEONE at SOME POINT.

The other big bits of excitement on that day were that we got to ride (1) the Metro and (2) the Smithsonian carousel. Which, after 6 hours and approximately 5½ miles of walking around, are all she remembers anyway.

Wish You Were Here

On Monday -- just three days from now -- Shae starts kindergarten. I KNOW. Didn't we just have her first birthday party like a week ago? They weren't messing around when they said time flies. Like, it was JUST Memorial Day, wasn't it? And now here we are, face to face, a couple of Silver Spoons ... WAIT. Wrong song.

ANYWAY. Shae and my sister and my niece and my parents and I played hooky on Wednesday and went to the beach, to soak up some sun and splash in the surf while we still can. (Also, we knew someone who was down there for the week, so we could stay overnight.) And you know what?

It was kind of a last-minute, game-time decision, but it was exactly the right one. It's funny how sometimes you don't realize how much you just need a mental-health, stress-relief, photosynthesizin' kind of day until you're in the middle of one and you're already 90+ pages into a book and you're sort of half sunk into the sand and you find yourself thinking, "Where has this place been all my life?"

And it was pretty much the perfect day off, too. Temps in the low 80's, low humidity, bright sunshine but not too hot, hardly anybody on the beach really, nice warm water, waves a little rough but nothing we couldn't handle. If you open the dictionary to "perfection," there is probably a picture of a day just like that.

I'm not the sort of person who normally just takes off on a Wednesday, just because, but you know what? I can be convinced.

Hi, Mom! (A Drive-By Photo Dump)

Still from Chicago: Joey tentatively in the pool.

Still from Chicago: Joey ... dancing? ... near the pool. (I didn't know what this was when my own kid did it, either.)

Also still from Chicago: Shae bowling. Like a boss.

From when the Chicago peeps came to visit: Joey in the pool, for realsies. (Sorry for graininess - Instagram.)

Also from when the Chicago peeps came to visit: Our adorable (grand)children, because they are adorable, duh.

Also from when the Chicago peeps came to visit: even when she's being a grumpus, Shae still has a pretty cute face.

Later, gators!

A&R: TNG

I don't know a damned thing about golf, professional or otherwise, so let's just say we're calling the kids "Annika (Sorenstam) and Rory (McIlroy): The Next Generation" and be done with it.

I especially don't know anything about miniature golf. I am an absolutely TERRIBLE miniature golfer. If my husband had ever taken me on a miniature golf date, he'd never have married me, because he would have seen my Agony of Defeat face, and it is not NEARLY as attractive as my Thrill of Victory face.

Of course, my Thrill of Victory fact isn't actually all that cute, either. Winning at Trivial Pursuit all the time ever has made me smug and unpleasant. And also AWESOME AT TRIVIAL PURSUIT, BOOYAH!

These pictures are additional testimonials to the [Midwestern City] Parks District, by the way. This is an absolutely GORGEOUS miniature golf course. It was close to 100 degrees out that night, but we hardly minded, with the nice breeze over the pond and the flattering light and whatnot.

Incidentally: I'm not sure that the kids are entirely ready for miniature golf, per se -- they didn't really get the "gist" of it -- but it was HIGHLY AMUSING watching them wave their putters around all-devil-may-care about whether or not they shot someone's eye out.

Someone's been watching the Masters in HDTV. I'm not saying who. Because it might be me. But I'm not going to lie: the weekend we got our "new" TV I laid on the couch and watched Tiger Woods at Pebble Beach all weekend long and I thoroughly enjoyed it, and I wasn't even drunk or anything.

This picture is just here because it's one of the few where my nephew is not the EXACT AND ENTIRE spit and image of my sister. But he's still related to me, because he looks like a very young (say, age 3½) version of my cousin Michael.

And this picture is just here because ... wow. Clearly, vacation agrees with her, right?

In Praise Of The Park District

One of the things that always impresses me when I visit my sister is that the city she lives in has lots of really nice public parks -- including a REALLY AWESOME water park.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

Exhibit C:

Exhibit D:

Exhibit E:

If my sister's kids were not cute enough to entice me to the Midwest, the Parks District might do it.

Domestic Bliss

I don't know what YOU did while I was away on vacation, but I spent the week watching my daughter and my nephew (the 3½-year-old, not the 3½-week-old, obviously) be all thick as thieves, acting like methed-out monkeys high on Pop Rocks and Coke, as preschoolers are wont to be.

Actually, that's not true. I mean, yes, kids are oftentimes inclined to Behave Badly, but Shae and Joey were mostly on their very best behavior all week.

They even helped out with the yard work, even though it was 858°F or something. Those two are Good Do-Bees, as my grandmother would say.

Of course, it was easy to get Shae involved in the gardening when she found out that, in the Midwest, it involves a tractor. Vroom vroom!

I just wish that they hadn't tuned the radio on the John Deere to talk radio. How much funnier would these pictures have been if the soundtrack was "Call Me Maybe" instead of bloviating talking heads?

= = = = =

For the next couple of days there might be duplicate photos, but I promise we'll get past them soon. Your patience is appreciated at this difficult time. Thanks! -- Ed.

Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah

Dear Mom and Dad,

The kids are beautiful.

Wish you were here.

 

Love xoxo,

Us.