"LOST" - Final Season Premiere Recap

NO. FUCKING. IDEA.

I have watched every minute of this show since Episode One. Every single second. Every frame. Most episodes were watched in "real time" which means that I have followed this show through every different time period it has occupied on the prime-time schedule. I have stayed up until well past midnight some nights, discussing WTF happened with my husband. This is the final season on this show, according to the producers. We were promised answers.

And still I have NO. FUCKING. IDEA.

[Possible spoilers, duh. - Ed.] Some people are dead? Maybe? Or maybe they're not? Maybe God is dead, or Paul? Wasn't it Paul that everyone said was dead when they dropped their acid and played their Beatles records backwards? And maybe there are two versions of the same timeline happening at once? Or else it's two different timelines that are going to converge? Or not? How does Richard keep his eyeliner looking so perfect without looking like a hot ghetto tranny mess? And maybe this is an Epic Battle Between Good And Evil? But who is good, and who is evil? Or maybe it's really about backgammon? Or was that Armageddon? And Jesus Christ, what the hell happened to the goddamn dog?

I think I need to watch this show when I am drunk. Maybe then I'll understand. But I'll keep watching.