Now We Are Six

I may or may not have been saving that blog post title for the last five years, one month, and seven days. I can neither confirm nor deny. (But you already know it's the truth, anyway.)

"'What day is it?'
'It's today,' squeaked Piglet.
'My favorite day,' said Pooh."

"'When you wake up in the morning, Pooh,' said Piglet at last, 'what's the first thing you say to yourself?'
'What's for breakfast?' said Pooh. 'What do you say, Piglet?'
'I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?' said Piglet.
Pooh nodded thoughtfully. 'It's the same thing,' he said."

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That's why we call it the present."

"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you."

-- All quotes by A.A. Milne

Pour Some Sugar On Me

I am sure that somewhere down in the deepest darkest primoridal lizard parts of my brain there is a semi-reasonable explanation for why I appear to be obsessed with taking pictures of my kid eating cake.

But even if you held a gun to my head, I don't think I could really come up with a particularly good reason.

It must be the heat, or some rare disease. (La-la-la.)

Or too much to eat, or maybe it's fleas.

All I know is, I really really like taking pictures of my kid when she is eating cake.

Probably it's because cake makes my kid happy, and my kid makes me happy, and so seeing my kid happy makes me happiest of all. Also, both cake and my kid are delicious, so.

Let Them Eat Cupcakes

So we survived Shae's birthday party. Not even barely survived, but actually survived completely unscathed. So that's awesome. Of course, I don't have the pictures yet, because I haven't offloaded them from my camera, but if it makes you feel any better, that's partly because we spent like 3 hours yesterday looking for gifts that were in our house less than 24 hours before they went missing. Constant excitement!

Before my sister and nephew went back to Chicago, we had a small impromptu party, because what is cuter than small children singing "Happy Birthday" to each other at the top of their lungs? Nothing, that's what.

Okay, nothing except watching them eat cupcakes. That's pretty darned cute.

Okay, nothing except watching them eat cupcakes with icing all over their faces. That's pretty darned cute, too.

Tomorrow I will have pictures of the "real" party, pinky swear. Including THE LIGHT-UP HELLO KITTY CAKE TOPPER OMG SQUEE. No, I am not kidding. It was AMAZING.

2 Years, 11 Months, 30 Days

Dear Shae,

It's been a while since I last wrote you a letter, so I better get this one in quick before it's too late. Tomorrow is your birthday, and for the next couple of days we're going to be busy celebrating and basking in the glow of your awesomesauce. And also eating cupcakes and ripping open presents and looking for eggs and overindulging because your third birthday only comes around once.

Oh, kid ... so much to tell you, so little time. This has been a really huge year for all of us, but especially for you. You've gotten so much taller and smarter and more talkative, and now you're using the potty and getting your own cheese out of the fridge and demanding peanut butter sandwiches and just generally bossing us around and getting your own way.

Wait, I guess that isn't much different than before, huh? Except for the potty, which I am convinced you are taking your sweet ol' time with just because you can. I have to admit, I kind of admire your ability to milk your grandmother for every possible bribe there is.

Anyway, I spend so much time being your mom that sometimes I forget to tell you how I'm also you're biggest fan. If I didn't live with you every day, I'd totally have a giant poster of you hanging in the living room. I love how you know what "herbivores" and "carnivores" are and how you love everything that's yellow and how you reach out your hand in the car and say, "Do you trust me?" like you're Aladdin.

I love how you're a ham and a prankster and how you are always running and dancing everywhere and how you already understand sarcasm. I love how you tolerate my putting Christmas gift bows in your hair while you're trying to eat pudding and how your know all the words to "Poker Face" and how you still think "chickenbutt" is the funniest thing in the world.

Oh, and have I mentioned lately how much it warms the cockles of my heart when you point at the picture of the crab in your book of animals and say, "Dinner" every time? That is stupendous.

Like I said, we're going to be caught up in birthday and Easter-related festivities, but I just wanted to take a few minutes to let you know how wonderful I think you are. You remain the best thing that ever happened to us, and I hope we never let you forget it.

Have a great birthday, Cupcake, and have a great every day.
Love xoxo, Mommy.

Cupcake Calendar: November

Ugh, I look at these calendar pages now and I just ... well, suffice it to say that compared to what I have been working on for next year's Cupcake Calendar, the 2009 edition looks like it was assembled by a color-blind first-grader with Parkinson's or something. Or, to clarify: holy hell, this is a hot ghetto mess, isn't it?

But I still love these pictures -- they are some of my favorite from last year. The one on the bottom, of her in the middle of a fit of giggles with her crazy hair, never ceases to cheer me up, no matter what is going on. Her smiles are the most beautiful things in the world, and I just can't get enough of them. Yesterday I tickled her for 10 minutes, just to soak up some of her laughter.

And of course that picture of her with the guitar? Fuggeddaboudit. That was the moment, right there, when all doubts were erased and I knew this kid was something special. It took us almost a year to prove it, of course, but we got there eventually.

Eat. Play. Love.

You might remember last summer's marvelous misadventures with Cupcake eating cupcakes ... and you also might have noticed that we have loosened up some since then, regarding food. I mean, we still try to keep her from eating nothing but Jello, fruit snacks, and crackers for every meal -- we throw in the occasional handful of grapes and some string cheese -- but there are days when we will settle for pretty much whatever. It's not worth it to argue. All she wants to eat one night for dinner is applesauce and bread? OK, fine, but then she's going to eat all of it.

Still, cupcakes are one of her favorite treats. And who can blame her, really? Sugar. Butter. Vanilla. Artificial coloring. Sprinkles. Frosting eyeballs. Possibly the world's most perfect food, all in a little paper wrapper.

And when they're decorated like Cookie Monster, and leave a moustache like some kind of grease pencil on acid? All the better.

Cupcake Calendar: October

Okay, I'll come right out and admit that this calendar page is not my best work -- not in this calendar, and definitely not since. But I find these pictures very useful as a reference tool.

For one thing, that picture on the left, where Shae is dressed as a skunk? That's one of the earliest pictures we have of her, taken by her former foster family. And I'm not sure if you can tell in the small version, but if you make the image larger, you will be able to tell that Shae was ... chunk-style back then. She's a sturdy girl now, tall and strong, but nobody can call her "chunky" any more, not even after she eats three pancakes and a whole 15-ounce can of peaches for breakfast. (We think another growth spurt is coming.)

Two-thirds of these pictures are from only a year ago, and still I cannot believe how much different she looks now, and yet how much she is still the same. I've said it before, but she is definitely not a baby any more. She's too old for Blue's Clues now, but not yet ready for The Simpsons. She doesn't have the chubby cheeks, and she doesn't fit into that orange shirt any more (which is a pity, because I love that outfit), but you can already see a bit of the devil in her eyes. Which is exactly the way we love her.

Cupcake Calendar: September

I'll start off by saying this: sorry about the logo in the background. Next year's calendar will be much better, at least as far as removal of trademark symbols is concerned.

This page totally contains a cheat. (Me? Cheat? Take the easy way out of anything? Preposterous! Lies, slander, and libel!) The picture on the left is from September of 2008 -- it was Shae's very first school picture (taken in September but not posted until we finally got them back from Lifetouch) -- but the picture on the right was actually taken in October, at Phil and Kim's wedding.

I hardly recognize this kid anymore. I keep saying that, I know, but I just can't believe how much older, how much more mature, how much more grown up, she looks now. She's not my baby any more; she's my big girl. And I can't deal with that very well, sometimes, without pharmaceutical assistance.

But I also see three other things in these pictures: two fantastically adorable dresses that she only got to wear once each before she outgrew them (especially that little green Laura Ashley number, which my dad picked out), and also a new beginning.

Because somewhere in here, around the time that our court order was approved and we were allowed to take Shae with us to Tennessee, was right around the time when we realized that the end was near. It would be more than six months after these pictures were taken that we would be able to finalize our adoption, but not much longer than that.

Cupcake Calendar: August

I KNOW. SHUT UP.

These are some of my very favorite pictures from last summer -- how they all ended up on the August calendar page, I don't remember. Here, she is (clockwise from top right): crawling around under my mother-in-law's coffee table, wearing my very favorite of her onesies, ever (God, I miss onesies!); rolling around in the grass in a Project (RED) onesie that my mom found at a yard sale, and which I have since passed along to Joey, because yes it's a charity program but shit still ain't free; chillaxing in my grandparents' recliner, chillaxing; and OMG CUPCAKE NOM NOM NOM! at my sister's baby shower last summer.

To make up for this abomination ("WTF? no Cupcake Calendar until the month is more than 2/3 expired? STOOPIT WHOOR!"), allow me to offer as a consolation prize this bold imagining of Shae's future life as Action Heroine And Savior Of The Free World:

via Photofunia

You're welcome. Have a nice weekend.

Cupcake Calendar: June

This is my very favorite month of the calendar, even though these days Shae hardly resembles the baby she was in these pictures from last summer. (On the actual printed version of the calendar, because I am all fancy-like and saved every collage as a separate .jpeg, I was able to add a Hawaiian-style-red-hibiscus-y border to the picture, which trust me: looks awesome.)

I loved this little bathing suit and am sad it doesn't fit her any more, although there is absolutely nothing wrong with the new ones she has for this summer -- but this suit is so sweet and innocent and little-girly and totally not what I usually go for and what was I talking about again?

Oh, yeah: love these pictures, love this month of the calendar, love this kid, love her smile, the end.

(PS -- The swimsuit went into a donation box, so hopefully some other little girl will have a great summer looking adorable in it this year.)

Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel)

"Good night, Shae."
"Goo-nat, Mommy."
"I love you, Shae."
"Ah la-loo, Mommy."
"Sweet dreams, Shae."
"No problem, Mommy."
"I -- what?"
{giggles}

Cupcake Calendar: May

Well, that experiment didn't last very long, now did it? I'm not even good at being a cheating fraud. No wonder I still smoke. Is it possible for me to suck at my own life even more than I already do?

Anyway ... this is my least favorite month on the calendar, and I am willing to bet large American dollars that it is because this is the only month that has me in it. There aren't a lot of pictures of me these days, since I am usually behind the camera. This one isn't too bad -- I mean, that's a real smile and all -- but it's not that great either. It appears I am missing my neck, and I wonder, is it even humanly possible to have more linebacker-y shoulders than I do without actually putting on shoulder pads? (Answer: Probably not, but the gals from Dynasty could potentially give it a go.)

{Totally unrelated aside -- have you seen Linda Evans and Joan Collins lately? Holy tomato! Something weird and wonky is going on with Linda's face, but her body is still killer, and I would really like it if whoever it is that Joan sold her soul to would give me a call. Yowza! She is still a dish, isn't she? Bitch.}

Still and all, even though in retrospect I find the background to this one is kind of meh, these pictures of Shae are still some good ones, I think. We have the obligatory babushka shot, and one of the few photos in captivity of her dress from last Mother's Day, which she wore maybe once before she outgrew it -- and that's a shame, because this is a really cute dress, one of those Carter's numbers that comes with the matching panties. And if I remember correctly, the picture of us in Uncle Quack's hot tub is from the very first time we took her in the pool, and we all know how that ended up.

Now I am thinking hopefully about the coming summer (assuming it ever gets here, and that I will be able to enjoy it from the ark we are building in the basement -- better tell G to make sure to put a lido deck on the G.S. Lollipop). This year we will be able to go to the shore without a court order, and in fact we are already planning a short trip to Wildwood near Labor Day. We might be able to start actual swimming lessons this year, and I know a couple of swimming coaches and several lifeguards who want to assist.

Oh, and Shae will be wearing an adorable bikini which threatens to give my husband a stroke -- that's comedy gold, right there.

Just Like Starting Over

I wish there were words in the English language to describe what we are feeling right now; if such words exist, I don't know what they are. "Elated" doesn't quite say everything, nor does "relieved," and although "phlegmy" is technically accurate, it's not directly related to the adoption. Perhaps there is a turn of phrase in another language that suits the complexity and scope of emotions surrounding us, like "schadenfreude" but without the bitterness.

For now it will have to be enough to say that it is done. Finally, it is done. Our adoption journey has been a lot less complicated and a lot less fraught with drama than most, I am sure, but that does not make the end result any less rewarding to us. Truth be told, our transformation from "couple" to "family" has taken us the better part of five years, but none of that matters now -- all that matters is yesterday, and today, and all of our tomorrows.

At the risk of sounding like an Oscar® speech, we owe a lot of people a lot of thanks. To everyone who was there with us yesterday, both in person and in spirit -- thank you for taking the time out of your day to share in such an important moment in our lives. Thank you for encouraging us, and believing in us, and opening your hearts to a tiny, beautiful stranger whom you made a part of your lives as if she were part of yourselves from the beginning.

To everyone else -- thank you for being so supportive all along. We are sorry you couldn't be there in the courtroom when the pronouncement was made, because unfortunately you missed out on excellent future blackmail opportunities when I forgot my own name for a minute, and G forgot how old he was. When the shock and awe have faded, we will be laughing about that for a long time to come.

Hopefully, this will be my last unfunny post about the Cupcake for a while. God willing. In fact, although we will still continue to call her Cupcake at home, because she remains our sweet and delicious little thing, I think this will be the last post in which I refer to her as Cupcake here, because as of yesterday, as we were all previously promised, her name has changed, and she is now officially, legally, irrevocably our Shae. And not a moment too soon.

Stop -- Hamper Time

Alternate Title: U Can't Bleach This

What can I tell you? My kid is just as much a crazy wackaloon as the rest of the family. Right now her favorite "free play" activity is to climb into an empty hamper for us to carry her around in it:

Unfortunately, we almost never have an empty hamper. Having a toddler has, like, tripled our laundry duties, because so many of her things need special handling.

Still, I think it's a riot to have our own warped version of Oscar the Grouch. Approximately the same fuzzy hair, but our Grouch is way, way cuter.

(Everybody's Waitin' For) The Bun With The Swag

So, listen: I was going to take the lyrics to "(Everybody's Waitin' For) The Man With The Bag," one of my very favorite modern-Christmas-carols-cum-Target-commercial-jingles, but then I looked at the actual lyrics to "(EWF)TMWTB" and I decided there are just too many words, oh my head. I mean, seriously, too many words even for me. So, no redone song, except for the title. Sorry. Instead, just lots and lots of pictures, with intermittent snark.

Without further ado, I present to you EasterSwag 2009 - Part One:

Honestly, I should have known that Easter was going to be out of control when I myself had problems, well, controlling myself. A lot of that stuff was last-minute additions, except for the two wrapped presents, which were supposed to be the entirety of her Easter basket. But I needed eggs! So I bought eggs! But then I needed something to put in them! So I bought little bracelets, and crazy hair bands that can be worn as bracelets! And that silverware set was cute! And oh my God will you look at that Little People tube!

I will say this much: all that loot, and NO CANDY, except one pack of fruit snacks from the box in the kitchen that I added at the last minute, because I felt guilty about not giving her candy. What I didn't feel guilty about? Stuffing some of those plastic eggs with money from her own piggy bank. What? She didn't know she had it, so it's not like she missed it -- and it isn't like we didn't collect 10x more in change throughout the day.

We had Easter dinner at Aunt Kathy and Uncle Ed's, and as always it was wonderful. They sure do know how to throw a nice Easter dinner. Not that Cupcake even noticed, because Aunt Kathy and Uncle Ed have a real live dog:

She spent the better part of the day crawling around on the floor after poor Rosie. I hope she slept well last night. (The dog, not the kid -- the kid was conked.)

Then there was an egg hunt, which was fun but weird. Like, whoever heard of an egg hunt for one kid? But Cupcake loved it -- my Uncle "Quack" pretended to race her, and let me tell you, she's quite a scrapper for a little kid:

And what is it with my family and the concrete deer?

It's bizarre -- everyone in the family has one except me. (Guess I know what I'm getting for my birthday, huh?)

After that, we had a costume change (but no nap) and then we went to my Aunt Cyndy and Uncle Wiggy's for another egg hunt and more swag, not necessarily in that order. I'll cut to the chase and tell you that there are now approximately 538,652 Little People in my house, and Cupcake loves every single one of them the best. You can just imagine the fun I had trying to get her to go to school this morning.

Oh, yeah, and Pop-pop gave her a bike. Guess who the favorite grandparent is? (What can I say? Cupcake has excellent taste.)

And how can you enjoy pretzels and jellybeans without Aunt Shelleybeans?

We also had an Easter bunny. Aunt Cyndy and Uncle Wiggy know how to throw a party, too. Couldn't stay as long as we wanted too, because it was surpringly cold and also -- hello! no nap! we're exhausted! And we needed to make one more stop:

At my grandparents', where we had ANOTHER egg hunt, and got a pack of all-yellow M&M's in an Easter basket that was once mine, and then we had an ice cream cone for dinner. The end.

I really, really love Easter, but you'll all excuse me if I sleep until Wednesday, right?

Somebunny Loves You

CUPCAKE WANTS YOU!

... to have a Happy Easter.

(And also to help me see how many Google hits I can get for the phrase "giant stuffed carrot.")

Kodachrome

I'll be the first person to tell you that I am not exactly the world's best photographer. I'm probably not even the best photographer in the house -- I'm willing to bet that at least one of the cats could out-picture me in a dance-off, and they don't even have opposable thumbs.

I mean, occasionally I will catch a really nice shot of a daffodil or a cosmo or something, but to get the pictures of Cupcake that I usually post, I have to sort through lots of "outtakes." There are literally thousands of images on my hard drive, and most of them are not very good for much except blackmail later.

So I will not lie -- when I got that fancy new camera kit earlier in the week, I have to admit, it intimidated me. There are, like, lenses and stuff. Lens caps and new focus options and ... ok, listen, I had a hard time getting the strap on the camera. And I know that most "professionals," or at least the semi-competent dilettantes, use Photoshop, and I am hopeless in that regard.

What I am saying, I guess, is: I got a Nikon camera, and I love to take photographs. But please don't judge them yet, is all. Although even I will tell you, we're off to an interesting start:

Tiny Bubbles

When I think about childhood, I think about springtime -- it's probably that whole sprouting and flattering sunlight and bunnies thing (well, before kids learn that bunnies do other things besides hop around and leave plastic eggs all over the place). And of course when I think of springtime, I think about daffodils and ... bubbles.

I still love bubbles. Back when I worked at the insurance company, before I was a "team leader" and didn't need to be a role model for future generations of overworked, underpaid, overstressed, underappreciated cubicle drones everywhere, I used to keep a toy box on my desk. No, really -- it was a 4"x6" index card box with a Post-It note taped to the front that said "TOYS" in magic marker.

And in that box, I kept all sorts of wonderful things (in this way, I was not entirely unlike Batman). I had Tonka trucks, and Happy Meal prizes, and random knick-knacks I found around the office, and a bottle of bubbles. Always a bottle of bubbles. When things got really bad at work, when we got behind on paperwork or overwhelmed with ennui, I'd bust out those bubbles right in the middle of the day. Five minutes and some iridescent soap, and all was right in the world.

I'm feeling a little under the weather today -- not sick, but a touch unhappy, and I could use some sparkle therapy. So if the weather holds, and it doesn't start raining the second we get in the car, G and I are going to stop at a drugstore on our way to pick up the Cupcake from school, and we're going to find a park, and we're going to blow the shit out of some bubbles.

Cupcake Calendar: April

If you happen to be playing the home version of our game, April and June are in a tie for my favorite month of the 2009 Cupcake Calendar. I'll explain what I really like about June when we get to it, but let's discuss April first, shall we?

Okay, first of all, how can you not just adore that happy little grin as she holds that blue plastic egg in her chubby little fingers? I don't even remember what was in that egg, probably some candy or a little trinket, but she sure looks proud of herself for finding it, doesn't she? And the picture with my Nana Haldaman is such a cute one for both of them.

But of course it is the "sad panda-rabbit" face that does me in. Cupcake was only part of our family for two weeks and two days at that point, and having Easter dinner with everyone is very overwhelming even when you've been related to these people for 35 years, as I have. We hadn't even eaten anything yet, and you can tell she's wiped right out.

(You can also see my early Garanimalism in action, what with the headband and matching bib and all. It's an illness, really.)

Yesterday at school Cupcake was supposed to get her picture taken with the Easter Bunny -- one of her teachers put on the outfit and sat in the lobby. It went about as well as can be expected. She didn't scream or cry, but she would NOT sit on the Bunny's lap. Guess we'll see soon enough what happens this year.

Hangtime

Yesterday was a perfectly lovely day sandwiched between two crappy ones, weather-wise, and we took advantage of the warmth and sunshine by ... spending five hours in heroic WoW dungeons. Heh. And then we did the unthinkable, for gaming nerds: we went outside, to play. It caused quite a scandal, let me tell you.

Of course we also took some pictures, like this one, from what I like to refer to as "my upcoming Andrew Wyeth suburban squalor collection":

Exhibit coming soon to an online gallery near you. I love how, in this picture, even the power cords look dessicated and nasty. Oh, wait, that's because they are. We have got to move out of the ghetto.

But anyway. Here is the good stuff, the pictures where, even though you can hardly see Cupcake's face, you can still tell she is smiling:

Cupcake and her daddy did that for like, half an hour -- up and down, back and forth, giggle and scream, over and under, until it made mommy dizzy in the most wonderful kind of way.