Cupcake Calendar: December

Listen to me whine a little bit, and then I promise you, there is a huge payoff at the end of this post, in the form of an AWESOME recently-unearthed video of Shae dancing like a fool at my sister's wedding. But wait, don't scroll down to the end yet! I have some complaining to do first! GET BACK HERE!

I feel like I have been working on the 2010 Cupcake Calendar (and the companion work, the 2010 Cousins Calendar) for FIVE THOUSAND YEARS, and I just finished it on Monday or Tuesday -- I can't even remember which one any more. Last night I logged into World of Warcraft for the first time in like FIVE DAYS and it was like I was playing a whole new game all of the sudden, although thechnically I kind of was because there was a patch this week. But anyway.

Compared to next year's edition, this December calendar page is ... well, I was going to say pathetic, but that's not really true. Just different. Last year was our first Christmas with Shae in this house. She was trying to figure us out still, I think, trying to work out what all the fuss was about. This year, she knows she's the princess in our castle (even though we do NOT allow her to use that word), and she's ALL ABOUT CHRISTMAS, and it's much harder to keep her focused on "being good for Santa" because: PREEEEEEEEEEESEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENTS!

Which, can you blame her, really? Who isn't all about the presents?

(And actually, now that I look at them both, last year's calendar and this year's calendar aren't really all that different, and perhaps I should just shut up already and just take a damn nap, for crap's sake.)

Okay, and because I promised, here is that video:

Apologies for the poor video quality -- this was taken with my husband's cell phone. I can't even make out who all she's dancing with here. I know that the "featured guy" is my cousin Jason, and I think the girl in the black dress is my cousin Beth, and the woman in the black pants is my Aunt Bet, and the lady in the blue pink (thanks Shel!) dress is my cousin Autumn. I think. Shae doesn't even care, obviously.

Cupcake Calendar: November

Ugh, I look at these calendar pages now and I just ... well, suffice it to say that compared to what I have been working on for next year's Cupcake Calendar, the 2009 edition looks like it was assembled by a color-blind first-grader with Parkinson's or something. Or, to clarify: holy hell, this is a hot ghetto mess, isn't it?

But I still love these pictures -- they are some of my favorite from last year. The one on the bottom, of her in the middle of a fit of giggles with her crazy hair, never ceases to cheer me up, no matter what is going on. Her smiles are the most beautiful things in the world, and I just can't get enough of them. Yesterday I tickled her for 10 minutes, just to soak up some of her laughter.

And of course that picture of her with the guitar? Fuggeddaboudit. That was the moment, right there, when all doubts were erased and I knew this kid was something special. It took us almost a year to prove it, of course, but we got there eventually.

Cupcake Calendar: October

Okay, I'll come right out and admit that this calendar page is not my best work -- not in this calendar, and definitely not since. But I find these pictures very useful as a reference tool.

For one thing, that picture on the left, where Shae is dressed as a skunk? That's one of the earliest pictures we have of her, taken by her former foster family. And I'm not sure if you can tell in the small version, but if you make the image larger, you will be able to tell that Shae was ... chunk-style back then. She's a sturdy girl now, tall and strong, but nobody can call her "chunky" any more, not even after she eats three pancakes and a whole 15-ounce can of peaches for breakfast. (We think another growth spurt is coming.)

Two-thirds of these pictures are from only a year ago, and still I cannot believe how much different she looks now, and yet how much she is still the same. I've said it before, but she is definitely not a baby any more. She's too old for Blue's Clues now, but not yet ready for The Simpsons. She doesn't have the chubby cheeks, and she doesn't fit into that orange shirt any more (which is a pity, because I love that outfit), but you can already see a bit of the devil in her eyes. Which is exactly the way we love her.

Cupcake Calendar: September

I'll start off by saying this: sorry about the logo in the background. Next year's calendar will be much better, at least as far as removal of trademark symbols is concerned.

This page totally contains a cheat. (Me? Cheat? Take the easy way out of anything? Preposterous! Lies, slander, and libel!) The picture on the left is from September of 2008 -- it was Shae's very first school picture (taken in September but not posted until we finally got them back from Lifetouch) -- but the picture on the right was actually taken in October, at Phil and Kim's wedding.

I hardly recognize this kid anymore. I keep saying that, I know, but I just can't believe how much older, how much more mature, how much more grown up, she looks now. She's not my baby any more; she's my big girl. And I can't deal with that very well, sometimes, without pharmaceutical assistance.

But I also see three other things in these pictures: two fantastically adorable dresses that she only got to wear once each before she outgrew them (especially that little green Laura Ashley number, which my dad picked out), and also a new beginning.

Because somewhere in here, around the time that our court order was approved and we were allowed to take Shae with us to Tennessee, was right around the time when we realized that the end was near. It would be more than six months after these pictures were taken that we would be able to finalize our adoption, but not much longer than that.

Cupcake Calendar: August

I KNOW. SHUT UP.

These are some of my very favorite pictures from last summer -- how they all ended up on the August calendar page, I don't remember. Here, she is (clockwise from top right): crawling around under my mother-in-law's coffee table, wearing my very favorite of her onesies, ever (God, I miss onesies!); rolling around in the grass in a Project (RED) onesie that my mom found at a yard sale, and which I have since passed along to Joey, because yes it's a charity program but shit still ain't free; chillaxing in my grandparents' recliner, chillaxing; and OMG CUPCAKE NOM NOM NOM! at my sister's baby shower last summer.

To make up for this abomination ("WTF? no Cupcake Calendar until the month is more than 2/3 expired? STOOPIT WHOOR!"), allow me to offer as a consolation prize this bold imagining of Shae's future life as Action Heroine And Savior Of The Free World:

via Photofunia

You're welcome. Have a nice weekend.

Jekyll and Hyde

The thing about kids is, at certain ages, they are very adorable and compliant and wonderful and photogenic:

At about nine months, for example. They sit still and let you take their picture and sometimes it's hard to get them to look directly at the camera because OMG SHINY THINGS! but as a general rule, it isn't hard to document the first year in pictures, provided you have enough hard drive space because: HELLO? 700 pictures in ONE DAY? Christ almighty.

But unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how gross you think jarred baby food is), they eventually get all their teeth and start moving and wriggling and thinking on their own, GOD HELP US ALL, like they're actual people or something and not adorable little robots, and when you want to take a nice simple picture of them it requires nothing short of an Act of God:

I mean, WTF is that pose? And let me tell you, I admire spunk as much as the next person, I really do, but is it really so much to ask that maybe, just once, a child over the age of 27 months or so would just SIT THE HELL STILL for like 60 seconds so that we can get a nice picture of the grandchildren together where they don't both look like soul-eating zombies or something?

I really am starting to get afraid that it's contagious or something. And more importantly, I am afraid that I am not going to have any nice shots of the kids together to put in next year's Combo Calendar for My Anonymous Mother.

Which reminds me: last (this?) year we had the Cupcake Calendar, but now there are two grandchildren, so what should the Combo Calendar be called? "Combo Calendar" does not quite cut it, I don't think. I was thinking of maybe calling it "The Axis of Adorable" but I think that is too ... militant? Something. So I am taking suggestions, and there might be a prize in it for you.

Cupcake Calendar: July

Oh, look, we're back to this again: posting the Cupcake Calendar page when the month is more than halfway over. How do you people put up with me? I am such a slackass.

If I had to put a finger on it, I would say that part of the problem is that this page is just so ... uninspiring. I think that part of it is that my mother-in-law is here -- even though I'm not supposed to admit to it, we just don't have the best relationship, and I don't really see it getting better any time soon. "Strained" is maybe an understatement. I try, or at least I used to, but right now I don't have the patience. I know I should, for Shae's sake and for G's, but ... let's sum it up by saying that she and I are very similar in a lot of ways, and very very different in others, and even Tim Gunn couldn't make it work.

But my other issue with this particular calendar page is that I just don't recognize this little girl any more. Last month the only differences I saw were in the fullness of her face, but this month there is so much I see that I can't remember. Here she is a chunky, round, wee little thing in unfortunate orthopedic shoes; now she is a hyperactive giant string bean of a thing whizzing around like a hummingbird on Mountain Dew. The belly and the cheeks are gone. She's not a baby any more -- she's hardly even a little person. She's so different, now.

And I don't remember when it happened.

Cupcake Calendar: June

This is my very favorite month of the calendar, even though these days Shae hardly resembles the baby she was in these pictures from last summer. (On the actual printed version of the calendar, because I am all fancy-like and saved every collage as a separate .jpeg, I was able to add a Hawaiian-style-red-hibiscus-y border to the picture, which trust me: looks awesome.)

I loved this little bathing suit and am sad it doesn't fit her any more, although there is absolutely nothing wrong with the new ones she has for this summer -- but this suit is so sweet and innocent and little-girly and totally not what I usually go for and what was I talking about again?

Oh, yeah: love these pictures, love this month of the calendar, love this kid, love her smile, the end.

(PS -- The swimsuit went into a donation box, so hopefully some other little girl will have a great summer looking adorable in it this year.)

Cupcake Calendar: May

Well, that experiment didn't last very long, now did it? I'm not even good at being a cheating fraud. No wonder I still smoke. Is it possible for me to suck at my own life even more than I already do?

Anyway ... this is my least favorite month on the calendar, and I am willing to bet large American dollars that it is because this is the only month that has me in it. There aren't a lot of pictures of me these days, since I am usually behind the camera. This one isn't too bad -- I mean, that's a real smile and all -- but it's not that great either. It appears I am missing my neck, and I wonder, is it even humanly possible to have more linebacker-y shoulders than I do without actually putting on shoulder pads? (Answer: Probably not, but the gals from Dynasty could potentially give it a go.)

{Totally unrelated aside -- have you seen Linda Evans and Joan Collins lately? Holy tomato! Something weird and wonky is going on with Linda's face, but her body is still killer, and I would really like it if whoever it is that Joan sold her soul to would give me a call. Yowza! She is still a dish, isn't she? Bitch.}

Still and all, even though in retrospect I find the background to this one is kind of meh, these pictures of Shae are still some good ones, I think. We have the obligatory babushka shot, and one of the few photos in captivity of her dress from last Mother's Day, which she wore maybe once before she outgrew it -- and that's a shame, because this is a really cute dress, one of those Carter's numbers that comes with the matching panties. And if I remember correctly, the picture of us in Uncle Quack's hot tub is from the very first time we took her in the pool, and we all know how that ended up.

Now I am thinking hopefully about the coming summer (assuming it ever gets here, and that I will be able to enjoy it from the ark we are building in the basement -- better tell G to make sure to put a lido deck on the G.S. Lollipop). This year we will be able to go to the shore without a court order, and in fact we are already planning a short trip to Wildwood near Labor Day. We might be able to start actual swimming lessons this year, and I know a couple of swimming coaches and several lifeguards who want to assist.

Oh, and Shae will be wearing an adorable bikini which threatens to give my husband a stroke -- that's comedy gold, right there.

Cupcake Calendar: April

If you happen to be playing the home version of our game, April and June are in a tie for my favorite month of the 2009 Cupcake Calendar. I'll explain what I really like about June when we get to it, but let's discuss April first, shall we?

Okay, first of all, how can you not just adore that happy little grin as she holds that blue plastic egg in her chubby little fingers? I don't even remember what was in that egg, probably some candy or a little trinket, but she sure looks proud of herself for finding it, doesn't she? And the picture with my Nana Haldaman is such a cute one for both of them.

But of course it is the "sad panda-rabbit" face that does me in. Cupcake was only part of our family for two weeks and two days at that point, and having Easter dinner with everyone is very overwhelming even when you've been related to these people for 35 years, as I have. We hadn't even eaten anything yet, and you can tell she's wiped right out.

(You can also see my early Garanimalism in action, what with the headband and matching bib and all. It's an illness, really.)

Yesterday at school Cupcake was supposed to get her picture taken with the Easter Bunny -- one of her teachers put on the outfit and sat in the lobby. It went about as well as can be expected. She didn't scream or cry, but she would NOT sit on the Bunny's lap. Guess we'll see soon enough what happens this year.

Cupcake Calendar: March

Well, looky here, the March calendar page is up, and it isn't even the 15th yet, or anything! Could that be because everything and nothing are going on at once, and I wanted to distraaaaaaaaaaact you? Hmmmmmmm?

Cupcake Calendar: February

Yeah, yeah, I know. Last month I promised to get this month's calendar page up on time, and I didn't. Epic fail on my part. For those of you playing along at home, that's 5,368,941 promises that I made on this blog broken.

Anyway ... here is the February calendar page. These pictures were taken the first weekend that Shae lived in our house. Nobody slept for a few days. She was in a new place, with new people and new sounds and new animals and new routines, and we are all, "Holy shit! There is a BABY in our house RIGHT NOW."

When she moved in with us, we didn't even have her room finished. We literally went from zero to parents in two weeks. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Before she moved in we spent almost every evening with her at her former foster family's house, and then we would come home and root through boxes and throw stuff away and assemble furniture and panic and maybe eat if we remembered.

Then when she got here, we were afraid to move. She's never been fragile, not exactly, but she was so small, so foreign, a tiny little alien being for us to observe. We watched everything she did as much as she watched us. I could never -- still can never -- get enough of watching her sleep. Her strength and smarts continue to amaze me as much as they did then.

Although we still live in fear that something could go horribly, terribly wrong, right now we are speeding towards the Big Day when things will become official, when all the rest of this will be just a memory, those days before she and we found each other floating through space, a parentless child and two childless parents, on a collision course with destiny. BOOM!

But I still remember that first weekend, when she had no switchplate on the wall in her room, but otherwise, our lives had never been so complete.

Cupcake Calendar: January

Previously on "OMFG That Bitch Is Totally Frakking Crazy": I whined about needing a vacation. And now I am getting one. Key West. February. Smoking deal on a room at a nice hotel, thanks to Priceline. Bathing suit and books already packed. Don't know what else I will need, but Cupcake, of course, will need an entire new wardrobe, which we are already working on. (Can't get my resolutions done within the affected year, but I am all chop-chop! when it comes to the Cupcake.) I promise not to talk too much about it until the week or so before we leave, because I'm going to be mostly dead from working too hard. (Which is still slightly alive.) To be continued ... dun-dun-duuuuuuuuuun ...

Now it's time for Arts & Crafts. Back in September when I starting worrying about Christmas I decided that I was going to make a Cupcake Calendar for the important female relatives: the Grandmothers and the Aunties. Plus, I wanted to have one myself, because then I could change up my kid's pictures without having to go to all the trouble of printing a picture, picking it up from the CVS or wherever, opening the frame, inserting the picture, etc. More than one step = too much trouble! (I keep telling you people, I am a slack-ass.)

This isn't the first time I made a calendar -- I did it before, in 2006-7, when I made a calendar of all the grandchildren on my mother's side of the family. I thought it turned out really well, even though my grandmother never actually used it. It's still in the plastic bag on top of the hutch in her dining room. From time to time when we visit, I take it out to show the baby, so she can learn to recognize everyone. It was a fun project, if a little exhausting, because I am not always very creative, and also I am a bit anal-retentive (I know, right?), so there were a few pages that were repeatedly redone because margins weren't uniform and some pictures were wonky sizes and actually it's hurting my head just thinking about it now.

So when I started the Cupcake Calendar, I set a few ground rules for myself. No more than four pictures per page. Use Picture Manager to crop and resize so that stuff would be at least in the same proportions. (I started this project before I discovered the Picnik tool on Flickr.) Relax, for God's sake. Remember that these people are going to love it anyway, no matter how craptacular or craftastrophic it turns out to be, because these people love Cupcake. Try to have fun with this.

I started at the beginning of the 2008 photo files, used some of the earliest shots we had of Cupcake (she wasn't with us in January, but we did start spending time with her in February), carefully scoured the Intarwebs for the perfect background for the scrapbook-style mat I was trying to create, and this is what I came up with for January:

I did the same thing for every month of the year. Well, not the same pictures, obviously, but the same process. I probably spent 2 hours picking out the photos for each calendar page, and then another hour or so per page reasearching backgrounds, plus the time I spent farting around with Publisher to match picture box outlines to the wallpaper, making the outline boxes fit properly, looking at the Print Preview page from across the room, autofixing and un-autofixing and re-autofixing, etc. I was kind of a wreck. (Which is different from usual how, exactly?)

AND THEN I FOUND OUT ABOUT SHUTTERFLY'S CALENDAR MAKER. YOU PEOPLE NEED TO TELL ME THESE THINGS!

Anyway ... this was going to be a story about how when I look at this calendar on my cubicle wall every day, I remember that very first weekend that we were "parents," how absolutely terrified we were that we were going to do something wrong, that we were going to be complete goofbags when it came time to change a diaper, how this is the only weekend that Cupcake spent with my parents where she actually took a nap, etc., etc., but instead here I am telling you about how oh my God, I spent approximately eleventy million hours a year on the Innartubes and I didn't know that there were programs that magically made calendars.

Maybe next month I will (1) get the calendar page up on time and (2) actually tell you some stories about the pictures. But I make no promises, because I will always be crazy.