A word of warning: this may be (almost definitely is) one of my gooshier posts. I tried writing this already with snark, but I just can't make it happen. It is what it is, the heart wants what it wants, etc.
To be honest, just thinking about everything that happened yesterday makes me well up. Not a super-big deal: we went to the County Government Center to sign paperwork to proceed with the adoption. Every family who adopts out of foster care must do something similar at some point.
It is routine paperwork. A lot of "acknowledge"s and "recognize"s and "agree"s and "certify"s and "we the undersigned"s blah-blah-blah-biddy-blah. Sign your name here and here and down there, date, initial, space for notary stamps, in triplicate. Legalese and esquirespeak.
And in the middle of the first paragraph on the second page, this ...
lose my flippin' mind. I tried very hard to hold it together, but I'm not sure that I did. Maybe. I don't think I cried out loud in that conference room, but I sure got some looks.
Seeing our daughter's name, or rather her name-to-be, right there in black and white? Unbelievably overwhelming. Throughout this process, she has been referred to by names given by other people -- her birth mother, her previous foster family.
But this name? This one came from us, and on that document, it was the first time I had ever seen it in print, officially, on a piece of paper that mattered. Our Cupcake, our boo-boo kitty, will soon have a new name, and it is ours.
Even when I look at it now, I feel a lot of things, so many things, so quickly and suddenly that my breath catches. I picture the new birth certificate, and adoption notices, and graduation announcements, and wedding invitations and then the room starts spinning.
It's a simple thing, I guess, to see your kid's name in print, but when you've tried so hard and waited so long and you know the end is near ... well, those seventeen letters up there? They make up the most beautiful three little words that I have ever seen.