3.03.2010

Survival Guide: Giant Stuffed Bear Attack

At some point in your life, you may find yourself suddenly under attack from a giant stuffed bear that came from your mom's cousin's boyfriend or something. But anyway.

Maul

The most important thing to remember in these situations is to ALWAYS REMAIN CALM. Important studies conducted by vitally important people have recently shown that these so-called attacks are actually hugs that are misinterpreted. Do not yell, or attempt to run in fear, but try to laugh, and make the bear believe that you are actually having a nice time with him.

Laugh
Play
Fun

In extreme cases, you might try to offer the bear a piece of candy, and perhaps take some time to quietly read him a story, while you want for park rangers or other professional people to assist you. Most North American giant stuffed polar bears are partial to books by Mo Willems about Pigeon.

Read

Should you manage to survive, you might find that you have a new best friend, perfect for snuggles and warmth on cold and rainy winter nights.

Hug

This "Survival Guide" was made possible by Jellystone National Park and Viewers Like You. (And also the cousin's boyfriend who donated the bear.)

4 comments:

  1. these are really cute egg hunt from work is march 27 10 to 12 at wilson boro community center let me know love mom

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  2. adorable raised to the 200th power of cuteness!! slight correction though: cousin's friend. cousin's boyfriend does not possess the skills necessary to win giant bears. *long, aggravated sigh.

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  3. This would work perfect when Shae and I go on our bear hunts. Guess I need to do them at your house.

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