Someday you people are going to go through what I am going through right now: potty training. We've been working on this for a couple of months now -- we started wearing pull-ups full-time sometime over the summer. Her teachers at school have been really great, throwing parties for the kids when they fill up the potty chart, really pushing the positive reinforcement, etc., and of course my mother absolutely relishes the opportunities for bribery when we visit.
We're trying not to "make a huge deal of it" because we're those parents, and we don't want to give her a complex, but she's just about advanced beyond her current curriculum, and in order to move up to the next classroom, she needs to be fully potty trained. So with her birthday approaching -- less than six weeks! -- we decided to take the leap and start sending her to school in underpants ... and it has been far more traumatic for us than I ever expected it to be.
Not because we're not ready for Our Little Girl to grow up, though, but because I don't understand what wackadoodle decided that bikini panties were an appropriate, good idea for TODDLERS. Seriously. Teeny little bikini undies, for teeny little girls. The mind, she boggles.
I mean, COME ON NOW. This is a screen shot of an actual page from an actual major manufacter's website (brand has been redacted because I don't want to get sued). I am not a prude by any stretch of the imagination -- although I will also be the first to admit that being a parent, especially of a little girl, has settled me down somewhat (except for the cussing) -- but I can't be the only person who thinks that low-rise underpants for little girls are just eleventy kinds of wrong, can I? I accidentally bought Shae a pair of low-rise jeans once and I won't let her wear them outside the house unless she's also wearing a bodysuit, because even baby buttcrack is NOT CUTE.
Just thinking about this makes my head explode, seriously. Granted, I am not the most fashion-forward person on earth, but I still don't think it's necessary to PUT LITTLE KIDS IN PANTS WHERE THEIR BUTTS ARE HANGING OUT. That guy on American Idol with that "Pants on the Ground" song -- he has a point, you know. Everybody looks like a fool when their underwear is showing.
And of course sometimes I look at the clothes they sell for children my daughter's age and size (almost 3, 4T-5T or little girls' 4-5) and I think to myself: WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE? Who dresses their kids like this? Belly shirts? Hip huggers? See-through, skin-tight little numbers? Microminiskirts? REALLY? Have you people never heard of pedophiles? And are you prepared to put your kids on the Pill the minute they hit puberty? Because there's a reason why teenage pregnancy rates are going up lately, and I am pretty sure that DRESSING OUR BABIES LIKE HOOCHIE MAMAS is one of the contributing factors to this problem. Stuff can be cute without making our daughters look like tiny little whores. It's gross.
Am I nuts? Over-reacting? Is it prototypically radically femi-Nazi-ish of me to start wondering if maybe we actually should send her to a convent? I love raising a mini-me, but the pink and the ruffles and the princess bullshit everywhere are going to be my undoing as it is, and now THIS. God help me. WHY CAN'T MY KID JUST BE A KID?