2.08.2010

Snowbunny

BEEP.

"Gert, are you there? [louder] GERT, ARE YOU THERE? It's me, Gladys. [louder] I SAID IT'S ME, GLADYS. [muttering] [random touch-tone noises] [shouting] How come you never answer the phone when I call? I'm starting to think we're not friends any more, Gert. [more touch-tone noises and muttering] Dammit, Gert, am I going to have to get a new canasta partner? You know hard it is to train a new canasta partner. I was just telling Herb --"

MUFFLED THUD, THEN SILENCE.

[three hour pause]

BEEP.

"Gert, it's Gladys again. Sorry about that, but you won't believe what happened. I got one of those cellyphone things, you know the ones? That fit in your pocketbook and you call call anyone from anywhere at any time? Herb got me one for our anniversary because he says I need constant surveillance, like [rasies voice] I'M THE ONE WHO LOCKED HIMSELF OUT OF THE CAR ON THE SIDE OF THE HIGHWAY. Christ, that man, he gives me such agita. Anyway, Gert, I just wanted to give you a call from Aspen. Yes, Aspen! The nice girl from the travel agency, you know her, Pamela, she's Josephine Panto's daughter, the one who arranged our trip to Boca last year? Pamela found us an excellent deal on a condo up here and we just packed up our things and took off. Crisp fresh air, lots of sun, something they call 'fresh powder.' [click] Oh, hang on, I think I have another call, let me --"

BEEP.

"Gert, it's Gladys again. [sighing] That was the concierge calling, I made an appointment to get a massage and a facial and mimosas. Mimosas! Can you believe it? Anyway, sorry about that long delay between calls earlier, like I said I was calling you from the cellyphone and I was on the ski lift and I dropped it and I had to get this nice young boy from the ski patrol to find it for me. So anyway -- [shouting] HERB, TAKE THAT SKI SUIT OFF, I already told you you're not going 'bunnysloping' with that Austrian girl and honestly Herb you look ridiculous, that is a woman's ski suit, it's hot pink for Christ's sake, did you take your medicine today and honestly aren't you even listening to me? -- anyway Gert, we're coming home tomorrow, so try to call Pamela and see if they have anything available next week. Okay? By --"

BEEP.

"Gert, I think your answer-ma-jigger is definitely broken. Anyway, just wanted to say goodbye. From Gladys. Gladys Leibowitz, from down the street. And maybe we need to think about finding a new person for our canasta club because [loud clatter in the background] HERB I SWEAR TO GOD I AM GOING TO PUT RAT POISON IN YOUR COFFEE TONIGHT AND THEN SMOTHER YOU WHILE YOU'RE SLEEPING, CAN'T YOU HEAR ME ON THE PHONE WITH GERT? Christ! Fifty-one years of this and I can't ta --"

Click. BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.

Sunglasses

More pictures tomorrow but I just couldn't help but notice on the similarities to last year's edition.

4 comments:

  1. so did you read last year's before you wrote this? or complete coincidence that they're identical? ;-)

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  2. there might have been some copying-and-pasting. call this "snowbunny: snowbird 2: again with the sequels." if you must.

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  3. alright after today the snow should be bigger than shae dont lose her !!!! love mom

    ReplyDelete