I am rockle, and I am a Taurus. I am stubborn and hot-headed and quick to enrage. I have a temper, and sometimes I have to work very hard to keep it under control. Sometimes, I can't -- or, more precisely, I don't.
In the past I have done things of which I am not proud. I have threatened and hurt people, in word and in deed. I never meant to cause actual harm, but then again, that is what they always say, isn't it?
I have spent the last twenty years or so in and out of therapy, documenting and analyzing every thing I've done, every word I've said, every impulse I've had, every instinct I've surrendered to or suppressed.
It has not been easy, not one second, and it's work that will never be done. Not a day passes that I don't ask myself whether I need anti-depressants or anti-anxiety pills or anger management classes.
I wonder whether I am cut out for this, for marriage and parenthood and membership in civilized society, when so many others cannot or will not be bothered to be civilized themselves.
And sometimes when I feel myself falling face-first and eyes open right off the ledge, right into the abyss, right into that deep dark swirling spiral vortex ...
... sometimes I manage to count to ten. And as little as that is, it's big for me, because I have a temper, and sometimes I have to work very hard to keep it under control. Sometimes, I can't -- but sometimes, I do.