Sisters Are Doin' It For Themselves

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess who lived in a forest. Well, maybe not a forest, exactly -- maybe more like an unruly thatch of land with tall green grasses. Anyway, she lived there, and she had a yellow flower, who was her very best friend in the world. And everything was wonderful and happy and la-dee-frickin'-dah.

One day, the princess and the flower got trapped in a tower, which was terrible and scary, because the bottom of the tower was like covered with spiders and stuff, plus the tower was made of some kind of mystery plastic that was leaching toxic chemicals into the water table and making the tall grass turn brown. Oh noes!

The princess screamed and cried and gnashed her teeth and rent her garments, but then she quickly mended them again, because her mother taught her that it was very important to make sure all one's important bits ESPECIALLY YOUR HOO-HOO BRITNEY SPEARS are covered when one is in public. And then the princess had an idea.

"Why am I crying for help?" she wondered to herself. "Who is going to save me? One of the goober local woodsmen, who looks like a fish? Screw that, and no thank you!" She scratched her head and looked at her best friend the yellow flower and made a very important decision. "We're making a break for it, kiddo," she said.

So the princess and the flower jumped from the top of the tower -- which fortunately was only maybe two feet off the ground -- and they ran and ran and ran and ran and made a couple of loop-de-loops in the tall grass and eventually they got bored with running and they wandered off together to look for bunnies and butterflies and bumblebees.

And the beautiful princess and her friend the flower lived happily ever after. The end.

For a waaaaaaaaaaay better version of this story, check out "The Paper Bag Princess" by Robert Munsch. You won't be sorry.