WTF!? Friday: Gleaming, Streaming, Flaxen, Waxen

I'm usually not really sure what I'm going to blog about until I actually start writing, but I assure you, I never in a million bajillion years thought that I would ever take up valuable bandwith talking about ... oh my God, I can't even say it, so here: let me show you instead.

This lovely woman is Shannon Waters, and she's a contestant on "Survivor: Samoa," the current (19th!!) season of one of my favorite shows. She's 45, from Renton, Washington, and she is the first female Marine Sergeant to play the game. At the moment, she does not annoy me, so she is allowed to live.

And let's not avoid the elephant in the room: she is also rocking one of the world's most spectacular fe-mullets.

Is this ... a thing, now? Because I am seeing more and more fe-mullets in the wild (if you can consider my office building in the suburbs, just off the Main Line, to be the "the wild"), and I would be remiss if I did not admit to being more than a little bit ... horrified. Scared for my life, even.

I am not really one to judge people on the basis of their hair; I myself have locks that are, on a good day, the approximate color and texture of moldy hay. My hair is baby-fine and poker-straight and, lately, ponytail-resistant. The Guinness people have not yet certified my collection, but I believe that I have one of the largest collections of scrunchies still in captivity, and I don't care if they "went out of style" five or five hundred years ago -- they can have them when they pry them from my cold, dead hands.

Damn dirty apes.

But this whole mullet thing, I just do not understand. A girl I know, who is young and tall and thin and stylish and probably lovely enough to win "America's Next Top Model," she recently got her hair cut into a sort of mullet-y ... thing. I don't know how else to describe it. She loves it, so I am in no position to judge, but I just don't get it. Like, she deliberately paid someone large American dollars to do that to her head? She wants people to mistake her for a hockey fan -- or worse, for a Canadian?

And don't even get me started on the return of leggings and, for the love of God, fucking stirrup pants. No, thank you. If this is what is passing for style these days, then I will continue to dress like Dorothy Zbornak in a bad Ann Jillian wig. Plus, everybody knows that there is really only one woman on Earth who actually looks good in a mullet, anyway:

You Say Yes, I Say No

Got tagged for another meme on Facebook, and I am feeling frisky, so I'm going to do it -- with a twist. But first, "the rules":

The rules are simple:
1. You can ONLY answer YES or NO
2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages or comments you and Asks!

Of course you all already know that I have issues with authority, so I am not going to let "them" tell me how to do a damn survey. Not exactly, anyway. I am going to answer these questions, but for three of these items, my answer will be a LIE. You need to figure out which ones are fibs. I will reveal the answers in comments on Friday.

(Also: numbering added for ease of commenting -- these numbers did not appear in the original survey. Doesn't technically matter, but full disclosure and all. Just in case you were tagged too.)

1. Kissed any one of your facebook friends? Yes
2. Been arrested? Yes
   
3. Fallen asleep at work/school? Yes
   
4. Kissed someone you didn't like? No
   
5. Slept in until 5 PM? No
6. Held a snake? Yes
   
7. Run a red light? Yes
8. Been suspended from school? No
9. Totaled your car/motorbike in an accident? Yes
   
10. Been fired from a job? No
11. Sang karaoke? Yes
    
12. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? Yes
13. Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Yes
14. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes
15. Kissed in the rain? Yes
16. Sung in the shower? Yes
17. Sat on a rooftop? No
    
18. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? Yes
19. Broken a bone? No
20. Shaved your head? No
21. Blacked out from drinking? No
    
22. Played a prank on someone? Yes
23. Felt like killing someone? Yes
    
24. Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? Yes
25. Been in a band? Yes
    
26. Shot a gun? No
27. Tripped on mushrooms? No
28. Donated blood? Yes
29. Eaten alligator meat? No
    
30. Eaten cheesecake? Yes
31. Still love someone you shouldn't? No
    
32. Think about the future? Yes
33. Believe in love? Yes
34. Sleep on a certain side of the bed? Yes

I will answer questions about these responses, except "Is #XX a lie?" That one you need to figure out on your own. (And I can't promise I won't obfuscate.)