Dear Rooney Family and other Pittsburgh Steelers investors:
There is not really a delicate way to phrase this, so in my typically brazen Philadelphia style, let me just come right out and say it -- Steely McBeam is kind of a dork (even if he does look an awful lot like the great and powerful Coach Cowher) and I think you need a new mascot this year.
Your mascot for the 2009-10 season should be someone who is so steeped in the culture of football that they want to see touchdowns at baseball games.
Someone who is all about the fundamentals and who will keep on practicing, even if the only ball of any sort in the house is a Sesame Street kickball.
Someone who is so polite and gracious that after they kick your tuchus on the field they will make you a cup of sweet delicious invisible tea.
Come on, Steelers ownership team, don't you want to replace that dorfwad of a mascot with the cutest little girl in the world?
But if you can't be convinced, we'll at least settle for lifetime free tickets. Or, if you insist on driving a hard bargain, we'll take box seats just once. You know you want to.
Thanks in advance!
xoxo Your Very Favorite Fans,
rockle and Shae.
PS -- It wouldn't be too hard to convince us to change her name to Jeromina Bettisa, either.