Cupcake Calendar: May

Well, that experiment didn't last very long, now did it? I'm not even good at being a cheating fraud. No wonder I still smoke. Is it possible for me to suck at my own life even more than I already do?

Anyway ... this is my least favorite month on the calendar, and I am willing to bet large American dollars that it is because this is the only month that has me in it. There aren't a lot of pictures of me these days, since I am usually behind the camera. This one isn't too bad -- I mean, that's a real smile and all -- but it's not that great either. It appears I am missing my neck, and I wonder, is it even humanly possible to have more linebacker-y shoulders than I do without actually putting on shoulder pads? (Answer: Probably not, but the gals from Dynasty could potentially give it a go.)

{Totally unrelated aside -- have you seen Linda Evans and Joan Collins lately? Holy tomato! Something weird and wonky is going on with Linda's face, but her body is still killer, and I would really like it if whoever it is that Joan sold her soul to would give me a call. Yowza! She is still a dish, isn't she? Bitch.}

Still and all, even though in retrospect I find the background to this one is kind of meh, these pictures of Shae are still some good ones, I think. We have the obligatory babushka shot, and one of the few photos in captivity of her dress from last Mother's Day, which she wore maybe once before she outgrew it -- and that's a shame, because this is a really cute dress, one of those Carter's numbers that comes with the matching panties. And if I remember correctly, the picture of us in Uncle Quack's hot tub is from the very first time we took her in the pool, and we all know how that ended up.

Now I am thinking hopefully about the coming summer (assuming it ever gets here, and that I will be able to enjoy it from the ark we are building in the basement -- better tell G to make sure to put a lido deck on the G.S. Lollipop). This year we will be able to go to the shore without a court order, and in fact we are already planning a short trip to Wildwood near Labor Day. We might be able to start actual swimming lessons this year, and I know a couple of swimming coaches and several lifeguards who want to assist.

Oh, and Shae will be wearing an adorable bikini which threatens to give my husband a stroke -- that's comedy gold, right there.