(These are some actual text messages that I sent and/or received last night while pretending to play World of Warcraft. I was actually watching election results on the Internet, with like 9 Firefox tabs open at once. I saw red and blue maps of the U.S. in my sleep last night, what little there was, and at one point I swear to God I dreamed that Shepard Smith (!) and Soledad O'Brien (?!) were arguing over who was getting the electoral votes from which part of the Moon. If this does not prove that there are harmful chemicals and pharmaceutical residues in our public water system, nothing does.)
To Shellybeans! 22:04 - I want to kiss the entire state of Iowa. Even the pigs. With or without lipstick.
From Shellybeans! 22:05 - You are not right ... what is wrong with you?
To Shellybeans! 22:07 - I am not sure. I blame the [family] genes. Them bitches is keerayzee.
From Shellybeans! 22:08 - Joe wants to know if you ate lead based paint chips
To Shellybeans! 22:12 - Not recently. Are they tastier than pizza bites?
From Shellybeans! 22:15 - Joe said yes and good if microwave them
To Shellybeans! 22:16 - Good to know!
From Shellybeans! 22:39 - Grrr
From Shellybeans! 22:40 - McCain just got 3 more votes
To Shellybeans! 22:49 - It's Nebraska. They husk corn there. They're dumb [badword]s.
From Shellybeans! 22:49 - The suspense is killing me
From Shellybeans! 22:50 - Not all corn huskers husk corn
To Shellybeans! 22:52 - Well then those guys are really dumb [badword]s. Or communists. Wait, I'm a communist. They're just dumb.
From Shellybeans! 22:53 - Joe said they are communists
From Shellybeans! 23:07 - Are you dead
To Shellybeans! 23:08 - PINKO COMMIE LIBERALS FTW!
From Shellybeans! 23:09 - Oye vey