My Toast (Or At Least The Original "Final Draft" Version Before Jaegermeister Got Involved)

Hi everybody. Thanks for being here to share in Michele and Joe's special day.

Congrats, guys. It's been a great day, and I am glad to be a part of it.

I was truly honored when Michele and Joe asked me to say a few words -- and I promise, there will only be a few words. Even though I've been writing this speech in my head since 1978, when I found out I was going to get another sister and not a pony.

So, look: you know I love you guys. We all love you. We wish you all the happiness in the world. Fairy tale, happily ever after happiness.

The only advice I have for you two is really the best piece of advice that anyone's ever given me, and it's the same advice that I gave our sister when she got married, and a bunch of other people in this room, too. It's the same thing I'll be telling Shae and Joey someday, and it's what's worked for [G] and me for the last hundred and ten years.

Seriously, it's simple, and it's real, and it can be applied to everything: be excellent to each other, and party on!

Congratulations. Cheers.