The Damnedest Things

I haven't written about The Infertility in a while. This is in part because it's kind of a non-issue now; we have Shae, she is irrevocably ours, and we are too busy being happy with What Is to waste any time wondering What Might Have Been. And we both know that "shoulda-woulda-coulda" is an exercise in futility anyway: been there, done that, have the psychic scars.

But yesterday Shae said that I should have a baby.

And I would be lying if I didn't admit to thinking about it, occasionally, more than once. I don't feel like anything is lacking in my life, but if I am happy now, would I be even happier ... if? Don't they say that children multiply one's joy? And, really, if our lives are already filled with diapers and clutter and cat hair, wouldn't it make sense to do it while you're already used to the mess?

Of course. But should we? And can we?

He and I have mentioned it, of course. It's kind of a running joke with us. People are always saying, "Now that you've adopted, you'll get pregnant, I know someone who ..." Everyone thinks they "know someone who." Personally, I don't. That actually almost never happens, but everyone thinks it happens all the time. It's an urban legend.

That doesn't mean it can't happen, or that it definitely won't. But I ain't getting any younger, and my eggs ain't getting any less scrambled. We're getting dangerously close to that intersection of "Highly Unlikely" and "Haha Hell No." And of course, let's just address the elephant in the room, shall we? We've been unable to get pregnant without medical intervention so far, and I am NOT putting myself through that again. NO WAY.

People have been asking us when we're going to adopt again -- not IF, but WHEN -- and the honest answer is: (shrug). We don't know. It's come up in conversation, but it's not something we really want to entertain right now. We can't afford an international adoption, or a private adoption, so we'd have to do another foster care adoption, and our experience with Shae was one of the most grueling of our lives. We're not ready, and possibly not even willing, to go through that again.

But Shae says I should have a baby.

Kids say the damnedest things.