Tree 2008

Attention, ladies and gentlemen -- praise the Lord, for the goddamn tree is done. Alert the media, and then send liquor. Lots and lots of liquor.

A few things I have learned about doing up a tree this year: don't do it with a toddler around. Wait until they're in bed or with grandma or off to college, because if you think that getting your tree done right is hard when it's just the two of you and some cats ... well, imagine that multiplied by about 1,000. And then add in some whining and some "Blue's Clues." And did I mention please send liquor?

Another thing is: I always, ALWAYS, buy too many lights. I don't know where I come up with my lightage calculations, but they're just flat-out wrong. We had to buy new everythings this year because when we cleaned out Cupcake's room we misplaced half our lives. I had some really nice gold star ornaments from the year we got married -- gone without a trace. Awesome (and highly coveted) frosted globe lights -- missing in action. Poof! I thought some stuff was in my parents' garage, but apparently they were only able to find my Easter lights (LOL WUT?) ... which, if I recall correctly, were in a box labeled "Halloween" (WTF?!?).

So, anyway, the details: Fraser fir, approximately 7½' tall, fresh cut. "Vintage" cast iron stand (which means "I don't remember when we bought it"). Two strings of clear 100-count mini lights and two strings of clear 70-count globe lights. Six gold-and-silver 8-point star ornaments, six gold-and-silver pointed-oval-shaped finial ornaments, six gold balls (three shiny and three frosted), six silver balls (three shiny and three frosted), two jingle acorns, one gold apple and one gold pear. We used gold and silver scroll ornament hangers and everything is plugged into a green indoor extension cord. No partridge, sorry!

No tree topper -- not yet anyway -- because the one we bought was multicolored (scandal! vomit! seizures!) and was therefore promptly returned. Don't know that one is really necessary, but I will keep my eyes out for a nice one anyway. Hello, Martha Stewart complex! I also bought three extra strings of clear 100-count lights which are going back. Because AH MAH GAH, did I think I was lighting Rockefeller Center, or what?

Tree, lights, star ornaments, finial ornaments, ornament hangers all from Lowe's. Balls from Wal-Mart. Fruit ornaments, acorns, tree stand all from private collection (read: rockle's basement).


  1. i can't believe you have your tree up already. i mean, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it, just impressed. what does cupcake think of it?

  2. "mine," mostly. and also that the lights are hot. but we told her that so she would not touch anything. epic fail, that.

  3. as of this morning it looks like the tree is falling over, and none of the ornaments are that heavy, so i am guessing the "vintage" tree stand is a piece of junk. or else the wimpy little trunk is causing technical difficulties. i just don't want to have to get out the christmas cone this year!

  4. remember this is about love and making memories and maybe investigating the basement for missing items i love you and am sure this will be best christmas ever ps this is about the love you share !!!!! mom